Values are our driving forces. When we know our own values and how they drive our lives, we are better able to create the lives we desire. We are better able to make choices of how to spend our time and who to spend it with. When we know our own values, we are better able to stand up for our own value and make the choices that go deeper than surface-level self-love.
Living in environments where we have not been seen for who we are, where we haven't been allowed to express our values because they are different from what our parents or our partner would prefer, or where we live in constant acts of contortion and mental gymnastics to fit a mold that we think will bring acceptance and love--we experience a disconnect from who we are. Suppressing who we really are brings feelings of shame and depression, expressing who we are brings joy and peace.
I felt like a round peg in a square hole for much of my life. I didn't feel like I fit in my family, my religion, my friend groups. I tried my damndest to make myself fit. I kept my mouth shut when I disagreed and learned how to say what people wanted to hear. I prayed harder when I got the "wrong" answers. I tried so hard to do all of the things I was "supposed" to do--having been told a few too many times that the reason I felt off was because I must not be living right. Since I really couldn't put my finger on anything big sinning I was doing, I came to the conclusion that something must just be wrong with me. I attracted toxic relationships because I didn't know what stood for, let alone how to stand for it! As I shared my insecurities, I thought I deserved the abuse I received in return because it played on all of them. If I could just be "good enough," then the abuse would stop. It didn't occur to me that I shouldn't be treated this way. Instead, since I thought I was the problem, that I deserved it, I doubled down and tried even harder to be all the things. I begged my partners to see my strengths, to see my good qualities, and when that didn't work, I believed I didn't have any and continued to try and fix all my faults.
Learning about my own values and identifying my five governing values changed my outlook. In addition to learning that I was seeking my own worthiness from another's approval instead of feeling self-worth, I learned that it is absolutely okay, and even necessary, to have values that are not the same as those I love. I learned what my values are, and in turn, learned what my value is. Knowing my governing values made my life easier by giving me a structure to build on. I could make choices about who and what to allow in my life, based on what was truly important to me, rather than trying to say yes to everything in an attempt to be important to someone else.
Are you ready to do the same? Are you ready to build a framework to support the creation of the life you love? Are you ready to close out this year with a bang and start the new one on solid ground? Sign up for the Values-Based Living workshop and get ready to be blown away by how your life changes when you start to live in alignment with your own values. I can't wait to see you!
Sign up today!