Stood Up

Ever been stood up on a Friday night? It's not my favorite. But it when it happens, it gives me a glimpse into my own level of healing. I've been stood up a few times, and my response has certainly evolved!

You know the drill--you're chatting with someone new and he seems really great and cute and very into you. Or maybe you decided to meet up for a date after some meet-cute that was totally Hollywood-worthy. You make plans and you get dressed up and you head out...And then you wonder how long to wait when he doesn't show...You wonder how many times to text...Or consider all the things you'd like to say in a text. You wonder if he's been in a car wreck or stuck at work or who the heck he's out with when he's supposed to be with you??!!

So what do you do? Do you send 15 texts? Do you call 27 times? Do you tell him off in one and then apologize and hope he's not dead in the next?

This is where I see my own healing. After all, he did me a favor by showing this side before I was invested. I know, I know, I agree. I would love to know what happened, too. I want to know why he texted me all afternoon and then couldn't be bothered to show up. Any old lame excuse would do. Matthew Hussey says it best--"you have your closure." He showed me that whatever he was doing with his time right now was more important than keeping his word with me. And is that the trait I want to be with? Is that the thing I want to pine after? Is that the guy I want to beg to call me back? It really doesn't matter how great I thought he was---he showed me with his actions what is important to him. And it wasn't me. Which, at this point in the dating game, I finally know is NOT MY FAULT. No matter what the last abuser I was with tried to tell me, I am pretty enough, I am funny enough, and I am a great catch. But this guy? He's clearly not my guy any more than the abusers were the guys for me. My self-worth will never again be outsourced to a man to make me feel worthy, beautiful, or good enough. I already am those things.

So I went home. I took a bath. I put on pjs. I journaled. I read some chapters of a book that I've been wanting to read more of. I didn't eat too much ice cream, I didn't watch mindless shows until 2am (those have most definitely been my go-to's in the past!). I went to bed early instead of staying out late and took care of my own self. Sure, the evening wasn't the laughter and chatting I expected....but it was still great.

And nope.....he never did send that lame excuse, so unless he's still in a coma, he just bailed.