Reinvention. When we hear that people don’t change, what that really means is that we can't make others into what we think they should want to be. But we can absolutely change ourselves. We can reinvent. We have to reinvent.

I was listening to Taylor Swift a few months shock there, I live with three teenage daughters and we’ve all loved her for years...and I heard some lyrics that said, “in the disbelief, I can’t face reinvention. I haven’t met the new me yet.” In that moment, I realized that’s why I had been stuck in the muck post divorce for so long. Because I had believed so strongly that he had been “the one,” I didn’t know how I would ever get past it. I hadn’t met the version of myself yet that could thrive and fly in new ways, that could even fall in love again.

I had to reinvent myself. I had to stop seeing myself as someone that would only love him, that was only capable of loving him. I had to stop telling myself lies that eventually he would come to his senses and choose me again. I had to reinvent myself as someone other than his wife or even ex-wife.

So I got to work. I got to work applying all of the same tools that had helped me learn to love myself. Applying the tools that taught me to begin trusting myself when that trust had been shattered. Practicing the boundaries that taught me to value myself.

I integrated all those tools into building a life I love. The work didn’t stop just because I wasn’t fighting to matter anymore. It can’t stop there or we repeat the cycle—we crave the feelings of love and being valued, and if we don’t provide it to ourselves, we seek it elsewhere. And then shatter when it ends.

Let’s stop the shattering.