Breakups Don't Have to Make Someone a Villain

Breakups stink. No question. And since nearly everyone will experience one, we should probably learn how to be a little healthy about it.

While they hurt like hell, they really are just a part of dating! As you get to know someone, you may learn things about them that make you hesitant to move forward, even if you love them. Or maybe they’ve learned things about you. Or maybe they met someone else. Or maybe you did. Maybe they're a terrible fit for your life. Maybe the timing's off. Not everyone's lives are meant to fit together indefinitely--there simply doesn't have to be a villain. Not even you.

But that doesn’t mean you won’t feel heartbreak. Whether you were dancing when the music stopped or you'd been having troubles since the beginning, it's now time to feel the other side of the happy glowy lovey feelings. Making them (or yourself) into the villain won't make you feel better--your soul needs you to feel the sad in order to mourn the loss….the only way out really is through.

Which means the little lies aren’t helpful, either! Maybe they will regret letting you go, but that doesn’t mean you wait around to find out. Maybe someone even better for you really is just around the corner….that doesn’t mean you’re ready to go find them right this second. Telling yourself you always ruin everything or maybe they were cheating or no one will ever love you or you will never love anyone else again….not helpful. Chasing, begging, don't need those, either!

What about when someone (even you!) really did screw up? It’s okay to mourn that loss too, the loss of what we'd hoped for. We learn, we grow.

It’s okay to miss the person that had become such an integral part of your life. It’s okay to miss sharing the exciting….and the mundane...with someone who cared.

And mostly, it’s okay to feel your feelings when it ends, regardless of how short or long you’d been together. It’s okay to mourn for as long as you need.

You are whole! You are valued! You are worthy of love! You are the total package!

None of those are enough to prevent your heart from breaking.

Take the memories, look for the lessons, wish them well...and keep moving forward.