If you've listened to either of my guest spots on recent podcasts, you heard me mention that I've been dating a great guy for the past several months. Well, I guess The Universe had a few lessons that it needed to teach me through it ending. I've written a lot this week. I'm sure you'll see that in the coming weeks!
But here's the biggest takeaway that I observed in myself and the one that I think needs to be shouted from the rooftops. Breaking up does not mean that I am broken!!!Say it with me---a breakup does not mean that you are broken. I promise.
When I've had breakups in my past, I spent waaaaaaay too much time wallowing in the what-if. Reliving conversations that I could have handled differently. Looking at my flaws with a microscope. Living in the land of "he'll come back to me if I can just prove how amazing I am." Wallowing in the grief of losing my chance at love. Berating myself for my perceived idiocy at losing "the one."
And here's the thing. I did those things even at the end of two marriages that were riddled with mistrust and abuse. I did it slightly less at the broken engagement....with a man who was still married. I've done it with other breakups along the way. And it just makes zero sense to do that when there is clearly a reason for the breakup.
But you know what else? It makes zero sense even when there isn't a villain.
And there was no villain this time. There were life circumstances that took us by surprise and led down a different path. And yes, I am sad. I absolutely mourn the loss of what we had and the loss of what could have been. But I do not question my worth for one second. I haven't lamented why I wasn't worth fighting for. I haven't relived conversations trying to figure out where I went wrong. I haven't numbed the sadness with shopping or ice cream. Want to learn how to have better resiliency, too? Hit that button at the top to schedule a time to find out if coaching is a good fit for you!