50 First Dates

Go on fifty first dates. Seriously. You won’t regret it.

One of the big things I get asked from clients working to rebuild their lives after abuse is “how will I know when I’m ready to date again?”

Beats me.

But what I do know is this. We are here to create lives that we love! If we meet someone along the way who fits into that life, wonderful! But it’s not a guarantee that it will happen! There is no rule that you will meet the person of your dreams. There’s no guarantee that love will last forever if you do. Chances are pretty slim that you’re going to meet someone and die together like in The Notebook, so y’all? It’s time to stop it.

Stop trying to force it. Stop putting so many expectations on an app. Stop putting so many expectations on a first date that “just went so amazingly well and I just know they’re the one.” Stop putting so much focus on finding the “one!!”

When we put so much weight behind the concept of “the one and only” we are more likely to accept behaviors that are unacceptable. We are more likely to give chances that aren’t warranted because they “might be the one.”

So. When you decide to date, here’s my advice. Date for fun!! Be totally yourself and see how they fit with you instead of molding to what you think they want. Accept that some dates might be fabulous, some might be boring, and some you might leave in the middle. It’s all a big experiment to see what you like, what works for you, and what sticks. You don’t have to worry about their side of things because that’s on them!! Don’t commit too early. Don’t talk too long online first. Don’t get too invested early on. Be the one who says “let’s meet for coffee and a walk” or “let’s meet for a drink.” Don’t stress that you’re wasting your time on someone who isn’t for you. Most of them aren’t for you.

And that’s okay. Go anyway. Be brave. Have fun. Be safe and make good choices for the life you are creating for you!!